How to find a mentor

It may seem like a difficult task trying to find a mentor however it really doesn’t need to be. I have made the grave mistake of asking someone directly to be my mentor. This has led to complete failure. Most people do not necessarily see themselves as mentors. They may even assume that being a mentor comes with a huge responsibility, but this is where they are wrong.

After a couple of failed attempts with this kind of approach, I decided to handle the situation differently. I first made sure I understood why I was reaching out to a particular person and what I was hoping to gain from them. I also gained some understanding of exactly what I was struggling with and where I needed help.

With a much clearer picture of my needs and what I wanted from the person, I now approached the situation with them differently. I called the person and told them I was struggling with 1, 2, 3 (no more than three specific items) and I then asked them if they would be able to help me?

This resulted in a much more positive response. You see, most people are willing to help, but they do need to understand what specifically you need help with, so they can determine if they can make a difference.

I have had a number of successful responses with this technique. I have also come to understand that people are busy and may not have a lot of time to help therefore, not every mentoring relationship needs to be long-term. Understanding who exactly is a mentor, may give you the confidence to ask someone, and it may also help you to realize that you do not have just one “guru” as a mentor, but a variety of mentors throughout your life - see a previous blog of ours “Have you got wrong idea about mentoring?”

Ryan Holiday has some useful information and I have included some points below from his article: “Finding a mentor doesn't have an endgame. It's an ongoing process that requires checking your ego at the door.”

He says the following: “Students have been missing the point when it comes to mentorship for centuries. I include myself in that category of misguided young people. They all tend to have the same three misperceptions about how this whole thing is supposed to work." 

So, if you’re looking to find, keep, or form a mentorship, here are Ryan's three suggestions that he believes you have to do right:

1. Mentorship is something you do, not something you get.

"In other words, like all relationships, it is a process, not an accomplishment.

While you are looking for mentorship, never actually use the word. Don’t ask anyone to be your mentor, don’t talk about mentorships. No one goes out and asks someone they’re attracted to be their boyfriend or girlfriend—that’s a label that is eventually applied to something that develops over time. A mentorship is the same; it’s a dance, not a contractual agreement."

2. Give as much as you get.

"Successful busy people rarely take on substantial commitments pro-bono. They are picking you because they think you’re worth their time and it will benefit them too.

So, figure out what you can offer them so that this can become a mutual, though lopsided, exchange. Executives, entrepreneurs, and creatives are always looking for the next big thing. They want to help you succeed because along the way you can help them. Even if it’s just energy you’re bringing, even if it’s just thanks and satisfaction. The mentor cannot want your success for you more than you want it for yourself. You better show up every day hungry and dedicated and eager to learn."

One suggestion, that helped Ryan, was to provide articles, links, or news that benefitted his mentors. He says: "You are less busy than they are, so your time is better spent looking and searching. I asked a lot, but I tried to give in return." 

3. Keep your problems at home.

"Your personal life is irrelevant. Your excuses aren’t going to fly. If you get asked to do something, do it the way it was asked. If that means staying up all night to do it, then ok (but that’s to stay your little secret). No one cares what’s going on with you, or at least, they shouldn’t have to.

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"If you can step back and see this as something other than a transaction—that you don’t get a mentor, you develop one. If you can contribute thanklessly and make yourself indispensable, you will cease to be an obligation and instead something the mentor works on out of self-interest. If you can work hard to be well-adjusted and dependable—you’re less likely to blow up and ruin the whole opportunity.

For sure, a lot more goes into becoming a master and to getting the most out of a mentorship, but these are the rocks I tend to see people crash on most often. Myself, I could have easily sunk on all of them. I almost did plenty of times. But it didn’t have to be that way and it doesn’t need to be for you.”

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I couldn’t have said it any better. None of us are perfect – not even your mentors, but as long as you are passionate about what you are doing and continue to persist, never giving up, you will achieve all that you hope to achieve.

Mentors Insync is trying to make it easier for you to find a mentor. As we grow and develop, there will be more mentors to choose from, and we hope that we not only help you, but that in time you too will give back, just as others are doing. 

We are building a community of people who recognize the benefits of mentorship and collaboration and see this as the way to achieving success.

If you would like to get connected to a mentor, please sign up at Mentors Insync – It is a FREE service (no catch).